http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYmaUSLMtf8&feature=related

I woke up with this song in my head this morning. Years of positive thinking training satnd me in good stead when times are hard. The EBT card is finally reloaded. Thank goodness. I asked my teenage son for a list of food he’d like me to get for him. He handed me a list with a big smile and a hug. He asked for bread, honey, strawberry jelly, turkey and ham lunch meat, Fruit Loops, and 2 cans of tomato soup. He dashed out the door to catch the bus and I sat down and had another cry. I love this boy. He has this mild autism that sometimes drives me crazy – but he never ceases to amaze me with his unselfishness. He knows I have to stretch the money on the card for 5 weeks. There’s no request for soda or chips or chocolate or snack cakes…he asks for stuff for pb&j, honey for his oatmeal, and the freakin cheapest soup you can buy. He also found me a coupon to print online for the Fruit Loops “if I could afford them”.  A couple days ago I debated whether to tell him how the headache from being hungry will go away after the third day – and decided against it. By the time I was 10, I knew that on my own.  Sometimes I know with my whole heart that his ‘disorder’ is his life’s greatest gift. That smile, the love, the gentleness – they are precious to me. He and I are going to pick the honeysuckles on the fence this weekend and make another batch of jelly. He wants me to have the kind I like. I cried over that one too – he never says he doesn’t like what I make. He says sure I’ll help you mommy, can we still get strawberry too? I don’t know what I’d do without him.

So my challenge this morning is to make a grocery list that will feed my family healthy for a week, on $49. We are still a couple weeks away from garden items I’m pretty sure. The squash is still sitting at about an inch long. We have a couple green cherry tomatoes on one bush, and a few tiny little cucumbers on another vine.  Strawberries are petering out. Nothing else to use yet. SO…what to do. I’m out of everything in the pantry – literally all the staples are gone so I have to start there.

Whole wheat flour, unbleached flour, salt, sugar, olive oil, eggs, butter, crisco, milk, oats, cornmeal, lentiles, rice, tea bags, tomato paste, onions, yogurt. I know that will be $35. I’ll hit the big dollar store to see if anything will be available there first. Then I’ll add in G’s list. I’ll order a fruit and vege box off Angelfood, and get a meat package from the butcher shop. That will be at least 3 weeks worth of my money. I’ll hoard the rest to fill in the blanks. I think that’ll keep us for a little bit. Use to be, I had this wonderfully stocked pantry – it was a point of survival in a way. It said I was never going to go back to those days where I was hungry. My mother popped up on my FaceBook page and made a joke about how my childhood prepared me for this and I swear I had a flash of anger – then I let it go. She never did understand that it wasn’t funny.

Anyway. Today I’ll sing my song, shop my list, love my family, and think about THIS day. I may have to plan for the future, but I have to LIVE today. Tomorrow, I have an appointment with the manager at the GNC Store. Maybe a little job will open up. If it doesn’t, well, I’ll look some more come Monday.

And if anyone plays the guitar, it doesn’t get easier than this… bright blessings…and lots of love.

G                  C       G               D7
It’s such a pretty world today look at the sunshine
C                   D7               G
And every day’s the same since I met you
D7     G      C       G                D7
It’s such a pretty world today knowing that you’re mine
C                 D7             G
And happiness is being close to you

Am            D7                    G
And though the rain may fall our skies will all be blue
Em                             A7        D7
If I look close enough the sun will come shining through
G        C       G               D7
It’s such a pretty world today look at the sunshine
C         A7    D7              G
Today and every day since I met you