Reading over old blogs, I was looking at notes about relationships; specifically mine and Steve’s. This time of our change – what else can I call it? – has been very hard on us. I still love him so much and I know he loves me, but the effort we put into our relationship is different. It is so affected by the economy, by unemployment, by change, by self-employment, by need. I am so hungry for touch and attention and he fills his time shifting things, reading, trivia, sports. It’s so hard right now, and my pending menopause is not helping, and his physical changes are not helping.

Aging and surviving are hard bedfellows. No one ever said a word to prepare me for this.

Our 13th married year (18 yrs as a couple) is fast approaching. I miss the frequent sex, but we have always been lopsided in our desire. He has but to touch me and I want him. I touch him, and he moves away. He needs space. It’s not me and I know that, but it’s still hard. He has always pulled away. It’s how he’s wired. He stays up so late that intimacy is dead on arrival. To him, doing things for me (dishes, laundry, yard work) is an expression of his love. For me, it’s touch and physical closeness. I need skin contact for bonding.  Maybe it’s a woman thing.

I am a morning person, 100%.

He is a night owl, 100%.

He doesn’t start moving till 5pm. My day is winding down by 4.

I have to stop taking this personally.