We have to show our income to the DFCS office today because they have said we are self employed, not unemployed. FINE. If it makes a difference, we’ve saved every receipt since  January 1st. This office does not want to help us. It’s as simple as that. I have a dated receipt of my paperwork and they threw it away instead of processing it. They closed our case and I am forcing them to reopen it. I was told it would be April before it was straightened out when we first went there in January. I imagine they will have another 3 months due to the mistake. Frustrated and tired don’t even touch how I feel.

Yahoo had this blurb about Remaking America this morning. A long time unemployed man who is terribly frustrated in his search, was called angry and bitter and all the unemployment and rejection turned around and placed on his shoulders. I’m angry that that is the viewpoint of the general public. You try so hard and do everything you are told to do and being unemployed is turned back on you. There comes a point you just don’t know what to do or where to look anymore. Tori Johnson says tell people why you excelled in your job – how do you explain your major job goal was to work from home within your company’s framework? I wanted it so I could be with my son, because I love my home. I made it. I did it. I was AT.com’s only work from home employee, piloting their telecommute program. How do you put that on your resume in a good way? They scrapped the program, and I was gone with 170 other people all on the same day. According to GMA I need to scrap and redo my entire resume. I don’t even know where to start any more. I don’t even know where to start.

Steve says if I can’t get a job, we have no hope. He certainly can’t find one. I never aspired to being the sole bread winner – EVER.  I’m trying so hard not to feel screwed. But I feel screwed. I know I am battling depression. No doubts. I keep hoping that once I can get my hands in the dirt, start my garden, I’ll feel better. It’s always been my solace. Lowe’s and Pike’s and the Family Garden Center all rejected my applications. I had hoped to just do what I wanted to do with a new spring. I’ll plant and see if I can sell them from the driveway.

Well, since I’m so redundant, I guess I’ll get off of here this morning. My heart hurts just planning this day and I have to face it. One day after another just trudging. I want to soar and I can’t fucking unfold my wings anymore. They just stick there.