I broke down and asked Kay if she could loan me $50 for 2 days and immediately regretted it. She doesn’t need my stress. I was so sorry to put my need out there. I cried. I didn’t mean to but I’ve hit that point where they are coming and all the Prozac in the world isn’t going to stop them. I apologized to her and got off the phone. I’d called V first and just left a message, said I love you and left it at that. I told Steve I’m out of answers. I suggested maybe he could pawn some of the stereo equipment he has and I started crying again.

We went to Kroger to spend a bit of our food stamp money for bread and sugar and I bought hot dogs and beans because I’m exhausted. I made G go so we could cash out his $50 bond he’s had for years. That’s our last household stash of any kind. We couldn’t get it done. We have to go to a main branch to do it. G has to have ID – He has a passport and birth certificate. It’s just a mess because of how Linda bought it. Oh well. I never intended to cash it anyway.

Vanessa called me a little while later and as we talked, she of course offered to help. She put 158$ in my account, covering my bounced charge, and giving me $100. Bless her heart. In a blink she rescued me again.

I wish I could stand this. I feel so low to take money from my child. I told her I’d put a check in the mail and send it so she’d have it right back but she said no.

So we have our water paid, Steve’s fine paid, and money for gas. I still want to just curl up in a ball and cry.