Everything has settled down. Steve and I aren’t splitting up. The world’s still turning. mama’s still alive. The kids are all ok. G’s out on his summer break.

The House payment was lowered to $376.96 and will become a permanent modification if we can make the payments for 3 months in a row. Steve is excited. I wasn’t… Negative Nellie as my friend Jody is want to say, lifted her head. It’s still $400 on top of $400 we don’t have for utilities, Unless he gets a job – there isn’t going to be any difference because we have no money to live on. The truck has blown 2 tires in the past month. We are riding on a donut tire now and can’t find a used tire anyplace. It will take us another week to be able to buy a new tire. Steve thinks he can take from his pension money and buy the tire – but he won’t hear that the pension money is 100% tapped and he can’t use it. I have to protect our only bank account. I have to. Everything coming out is an automatic payment – insurance, taxes, credit card, Fax service, MS Office program for G, Netflix, Life Insurance, phone too now… We hit the month at a deficit and that makes a difference. I wish he’d listen without getting so mad and acting like I change things from month to month. I could wipe out about $45 – still not enough for a new tire.

Sometimes I wish I knew what to do – shut up, make him happy – let him have the checking account – then I know I can’t… It’s in my name and I don’t dare. He can open his own and have his pension moved to it – fine by me – move his tax bill and utilities there too – I’ll cancel the little bills. Put my 2 checks in each month and be fine. That damned Dell credit card kills me – but it is what it is. Anyway. I’m tired of worrying about it.

The garden is looking good. I want to go check the seeds I planted. They were old, so I hope something comes up.

I’m finishing a hat today. I’ll start a knitted toy. I think I’ll make another cat too.