I was given the number 5 for 5 things most people don’t know about me – a facebook game. I protested that there weren’t 5 things. Then I said I’d try to do it and started.
1. I say F*ck and sh*t very, very often.
2. I miss having real life friends
3. I don’t see very well (which is usually why I say F and S AND don’t read anymore).
4. I am an introvert and when it kicks in, I can’t make myself move around it no matter how hard I try.
5. I fight depression constantly.

Then I was struck by why I thought I had to share these things. I think I wear the happy stuff on the outside – I think my coping mechanisms are front and center –

I use mantras constantly.
I mentally frame my day in pink to get past pain.
I’ve never believed anyone could love me
I’m way too serious and emotional.
I like comfort and pretty things and was not cut out to be a happy poor person.

In spite of my internal voice yelling at me “want in one hand, spit in the other and see which gets full the fastest;” I want stuff. I want a lot of things.

• I want a nice house.
• I want decent clothes that aren’t jeans.
• I want to move to NC.
• I want to be warm.
• I want my teeth fixed.

I settled on the following 5…

I like sparkles.
I don’t like nuts.
I check the mailbox at 1am.
I gag on sweet coffee.
I said I couldn’t make a list of 5 things, then made 4 different lists and chose this one to play the game with. Then of course I saved the other three . . .