Trying my best to see the good and manage what I hold, well. So far it’s been challenging. Steve has these things he is in charge of and needs to do with the bit of money we have and I agree, they need to be done. He has a way of building all these plans then getting angry when I remind him I can do what’s on the list, or we can pay the house pmt, he gets all puffy and frustrated and negative. We have a fistfull of dollars that can only go so far. We can’t make the choice not to pay the house payment. Or, he needs to be responsible for the decision to not pay the house payment.

The way I see it, each decision comes with a spare choice.

Spend $125 on the car. We need to fix the Grand Am so we can sell it so we can pay the house pmt another 3 months. Or don’t make a house payment. But is that really an option?

Buy a chainsaw. We need the chainsaw so we can cut wood – (wood was offered but he says it’s too far to go get it.) OR fix the heater. He could arrange to have the blower moved from the upstairs furnace to the downstairs – less money out lay. Then he won’t need a chainsaw. We do still need wood for the fireplace.

Either of these things will leave us with no money again. That scares me but is inevitable. Plus the utility bills will post tomorrow. BREATHE… Amber.

What I have control over is knitting this shawl; making Sara’s doll’s jumpsuit; embroidering my quilt squares; and stretching what comes to me as far as it will stretch. It’s so hard not to borrow worries from tomorrow.

It’s difficult to be the anchor.

It’s difficult to listen to others talk about their choices when those choices are whether to expand or change their cable service, or which phone to buy and features will be best, or whether to fix asparagus or spaghetti squash and should they buy a whole month’s worth of groceries or one week at a time.

I feel like isolating. And just today, I think I will. I’m going to crochet, cook my pot of beans, and vacuume my rug. And I think I’ll have a cup of tea.