Seems I am revisiting lessons on relationships lately. Man I don’t want to go there. I want someone to simply understand me and know where I’m coming from. I hate walking in life like everyone is fragile. I get it. I do. People’s lives are bigger than my survival mode. They want me to get over myself. OK. Roger wilco and I won’t trouble them again.

The job didn’t come through.

We clean house, need but don’t get welfare or food stamps, and my political views are stupid. Got that too. Message received.

House payment 2 months behind again. No where to turn except Steve’s brother. Ball in someone else’s court. Put my blinders firmly in place and play like life is fine. Maybe I’ll fake it and make it. I sure hope so.

One day, I want to be able to give back to others like we have been given TO. May the Universe bless those who didn’t turn a blind eye. May it bless those who did too, and let their live’s path diverge from mine because I am tired of the judgmental crap that says I’m not trying hard enough. I could live my whole life forward and never hear how I need to count my blessings because some else is crippled or their home is smashed up again. I get left feeling accused of ingratitude and that is so far from the truth. I AM grateful constantly, but I also fight these fucking tears non-stop. Don’t ask me how I am. I really understand it’s a courtesy. I don’t need placation.

That is all.