Green Jean Granny

The hubs has decided to look at tax info knowing I have an envelope for each month of the year with receipts in each. He wants to know how much we made, how much we had in expenses. I just looked at him blankly. really? NOW? lol I don’t think so.

Year after year we do this. We make dribs and drabs here and there from my knitting and from his metal scraping, 346.48 per month from his pension, and $200 a month from cleaning houses. That’s it. There have been a handful of gifts.

He has now sat down in front of a screen of baseball stats.

So I laid on the damn pt table to do ‘gentle’ stretches, and tears rolled down my cheeks. I know this is part of what makes up my issues and it seems to be part of the fibromyalgia. I’ve tried to explain for months how exercise doesn’t build me up and make me stronger. I can push my way through things, except actual exercises. The repetition breaks me down worse than before.

I’m trying to figure this out – diet, what I can do, feeling better, handling the pain…Now that I finally know what it is.

AKKK! I have 5 projects in progress; a preemie baby hat, a knitting needle bag, a baby blanket, and a cup cozy, and a toddler hat! What’s wrong with me? lol I need to get them put into zip-loc bags to keep them sorted well. I have never allowed this to happen before. I also got a check from that paper route Steve and I tried to do and I bought enough yarn on clearance to make myself a lovely pair of socks and a sweater or vest – since I can’t wear a bra, I need a vest that drapes in the front. The yarn is a denim blue and so pretty,

That just leaves me needing to fill out the BOA papers and get them faxed.

The fibro peak is over. I had a terrible week. I am still fighting the joint ickies, and the sleepies and general junk, but I think the pain levels have resettled back to about a 3 and I can deal with that. I’m doing my stretches the PT gave me. My neck complains like crazy but the headache seems to have let go of me. Thank the Universe for that! I thought I was gonna have a stroke. Steve and I talked about it, and there really is no doubt I have Fibromyalgia. So I am going to deal with my aches and pains from that perspective.

We got some cool weather veges planted this week. It felt so good to get out in the dirt. Steve got the compost turned and we put the plants in the beds and repotted some things. Man I felt happy. Jackie just watched us and crunched dirt clods! lol

Today needs a blog.

Too many things going on.

I have to refill out the Bank of America paperwork. I could have screamed but Isabel kept her cool and walked me through every page. I’ll fax them after G goes to bed. She really was the epitome of a customer care rep for the first time.

I have had the worst headache all day. Now my stomach is hurting from all the asprin I’ve taken today. PT sucks.

I opened all the windows. It’s warm and beautiful outside. I sat out for awhile and watched the bugs. They were so active. Jackie chased the black and white cat under the gate as if to say “you don’t belong back here!” It was funny. He scampered under the gate like Peter Rabbit!

Then I counted the honey bees…yes, honey bees! They were busy going from purple henbit flower to purple henbit flower. We don’t mow the weeds in the early spring. Then I noticed that the shasta daisy container is FULL of cleavers! The lawn is made up of chickweed. The bloody dock is full and tall. I have all kinds of wild salad green out there! Tea galore, too. There are tiny lemon balm leaves all over the ground, and sweet violets.

As I sat, the smell of smoke wafted on the air. A fire engine roared through the neighborhood. How sad to deal with such a thing on a day like today. I whispered a prayer that they would be allright.

I saw 2 robins, a cardinal, a woodpecker, and 2 orioles! Orioles are not typical here in Georgia. I don’t think I’ve ever seen them here before.

Then out of the blue, Geoffrey came and asked me for some help editing a paper he has to turn in. It’s the first time he’s EVER asked me to even look at a paper. His mind moves so much faster than mine. His fingers fly on the keyboard. He had some extra commas, a couple of unnecessary prepositions, and a couple of verbs that needed the tenses revised. He had 1 run-on sentence, and one fragment. I just marked them and he immediately corrected them. It was an eyeopening experience. My kid is amazing. The paper was pretty darn interesting too. He writes one heck of an essay!

Hubby is calling me. He wants to know where I want him to place the veges we bought on Wednesday. I guess it’s time to head back outside!

It would have been a really good day had this headache ever eased.

I wish I could organize my thoughts on how I’m feeling. I guess I’m not surprised, but hearing the word Fibromyalgia gives embodiment to something I wasn’t really entertaining thoughts on. It’s been suggested to me by a couple of people before, but I let it pass out of my mind. I came home from the doctor with a perscription for Cymbalta and a perscription for Physical therapy – neither of which the dr expects medicaid to honor. We’ll do some calling and checking and then they will move on to plan B – whatever that is.

I wonder if this pain is a culmination of all the researching from all the years… Candida, PMS, ADD, chemical sensitivites, sinus headaches, atmospheric change sensitivities, heart palpatations, joint pain, exhaustion. SHIT. The mental fog, the numbers dyslexia, the blanks when I talk – the forgetting stuff, not being able to hear and listen, and remember.

Dr Lisha told me to find a way to strengthen my core – laying on the floor or bed won’t work, so chair exercises with the elastic bands will have to do. I’m to work whatever I decide on 2 times a day religiously. I need to keep a pain diary, and I need to learn to listen even closer to my body. The MRI showed a slight bulging disk, the arthritis, but nothing that should be causing me such pain. Her comforting thought was to say that it least structurally, if I can handle the pain, I can keep my body in shape and this won’t kill me. I sure feels like it though when I’m so exhausted I can’t wash dishes, I have to have help cooking dinner, and all I can do is fucking sit and even then my head is too heavy for my neck to hold up. She wants me to get lidocaine shotes where my pain is and I started to cry because the pain is so inconsistant – it moves around. She said if it does, we’ll get the spots the next visit. Really, she was very sweet and kind and I was the one who was hard on myself.

I’m so tired of me being my focus. I’m also frightened of the medicine but so weary of this pain.

Bank of America wants pay stubs for Steve – which we can’t provide.
Mother Fuckers. Well, one month closer to summer so we can change G’s school after the school year is over. He’s such a champ about things. I finally was able to get his shoes. $30. Hopefully they will be here today or Monday. Size 12 wide! Here he is, all grown and he’s never been a bit of trouble.

I’ll taste your strawberries and drink your sweet wine. A million tomorrows may all fade away, ‘er I forget all the joy that is mine;

Today…lyrics just live as part of me. I thank the gods for the songs in my heart.

Today I found a set of papers Steve was supposed to sign that haven’t been faxed to BOA. So I’ve gathered hard copies of everything and we’ll FedEx them today. I really don’t expect them to make any difference. In a way, I think we are both looking forward to a move where ever it takes us. The plan is to rent a storage shed and pack if BOA says NO again. That way, if Don buys the house, we can clean and be out so he can rent it, or sell it – whatever he chooses, and we can be ready to go when it’s time. Geoffrey’s not a bit happy about this but we knew he wouldn’t be. Changing High School’s is hard. He’s just planning to stay no matter what and going about business as usual.

I have a nerve study at the pain management Dr tomorrow after work. I don’t know what that entails.

I need to cash my checks and buy a filter for Dr Kamdar’s aquarium. She wants a list for setting up a terrarium – I made a list for her. We need to sit down and discuss her theme and plant choice.

I’m starting to be ready to open my seed catalogs. I’ve decided to plant carrots in old soda bottles for the heck of it. We are going to use our pots and wait till early may to actually put anything in the dirt. 

I have 3 knitting books to read (peruse), a shawl and arm warmers to make for pay for Dr Kamdar, and a nautical baby blanket to make for Misty that she has already given me $30 advance on. I need to work fast.

Today though, I’m knitting. I need a down day. Dinner is partially cooked. I cut up chicken and onion last night and cooked and seasoned it, and cooked spinach. Tonight, I’ll cube and cook potatoes, make a sauce, mix everything together and add cheese. It’ll do. EBT reloads tomorrow. I’ll make our cream cheese pastry for desert and we’ll have celery sticks with it all. 

Steve is chattering baseball constantly. He’s ready for spring training. I guess that’s about it for today.

Sometimes I just don’t have a title. This day is done. I’m exhausted. Mindy McCready’s death makes me sad. I really liked her music.

I volunteered to help with an online event in the Harry Potter Ravelry group I’m in and haven’t gotten much help from the other ladies. I am a bit ticked and I think it’s showing as much as I don’t want it too. I don’t usually volunteer for things because I’m not in a place to be ok with taking on the whole project. i SHOULD HAVE KNOWN IT WOULD END UP THAT WAY. It usually (always) does.

I’m making a shawl for Dr Kamdar to take to her mother in India. I don’t like the yarn, but it’s what she brought me to work with. It’s an off white acrylic. I decided to make the back squared off so sitting on the pointed end won’t pull the shawl off the fragile, tiny, woman’s shoulders. It’s garter stitch and I’ll put a crocheted edging on it to make it special. I really hope she likes it. I’m making wrist warmers to match it.

Well dearies (as miss Brenda would say) I’m sleepy and my bed is singing softly to me, crooning low and gently with fluffy pillows whispering my name. I can resist no longer. ❤