Sun peeking over the horizon – hot tea in my cup. Work to set my hand to. In this moment, it is enough.

RIP Steve Jobs. I think you made more difference to more people than anyone else I can think of.
Sun peeking over the horizon – hot tea in my cup. Work to set my hand to. In this moment, it is enough.

RIP Steve Jobs. I think you made more difference to more people than anyone else I can think of.
Trying my best to see the good and manage what I hold, well. So far it’s been challenging. Steve has these things he is in charge of and needs to do with the bit of money we have and I agree, they need to be done. He has a way of building all these plans then getting angry when I remind him I can do what’s on the list, or we can pay the house pmt, he gets all puffy and frustrated and negative. We have a fistfull of dollars that can only go so far. We can’t make the choice not to pay the house payment. Or, he needs to be responsible for the decision to not pay the house payment.
The way I see it, each decision comes with a spare choice.
Spend $125 on the car. We need to fix the Grand Am so we can sell it so we can pay the house pmt another 3 months. Or don’t make a house payment. But is that really an option?
Buy a chainsaw. We need the chainsaw so we can cut wood – (wood was offered but he says it’s too far to go get it.) OR fix the heater. He could arrange to have the blower moved from the upstairs furnace to the downstairs – less money out lay. Then he won’t need a chainsaw. We do still need wood for the fireplace.
Either of these things will leave us with no money again. That scares me but is inevitable. Plus the utility bills will post tomorrow. BREATHE… Amber.
What I have control over is knitting this shawl; making Sara’s doll’s jumpsuit; embroidering my quilt squares; and stretching what comes to me as far as it will stretch. It’s so hard not to borrow worries from tomorrow.
It’s difficult to be the anchor.
It’s difficult to listen to others talk about their choices when those choices are whether to expand or change their cable service, or which phone to buy and features will be best, or whether to fix asparagus or spaghetti squash and should they buy a whole month’s worth of groceries or one week at a time.
I feel like isolating. And just today, I think I will. I’m going to crochet, cook my pot of beans, and vacuume my rug. And I think I’ll have a cup of tea.
It’s a lovely morning. Feels like fall’s coolness is really here. I don’t want to think about anything serious. lol I’ve decided to string beads for the fae and hang them in the tree this morning! I made some prayer ties on the newmoon to express my needs and thank yous. It feels heartening to walk out and see them – a physical reminder of blessings received.
We sold a few items on eBay and I’ve gotten everything ready to mail off this morning. G made enough to buy his game. He keeps trying to squeeze out an extra penny or two for a 99 cent auction and I won’t let him have it. lol Postage overage belongs to me for boxes and envelopes. I’m such a mean mommy. He says “no you’re not!” lol I love that boy!
I have one arm warmer made and need to finish the second sometime tomorrow, I can start the purple shawl my friend purchased the day after. Then it will be onto the next project!
I think we’ll be having some beautiful salad greens by the weekend. Not large amounts, but I’m so looking forward to them. The collards are about 6″ high. The spinach is 2″. Temps will plunge to the 40’s this weekend. So the growth will slow. I’m just glad we got them in in time for their beginning needs!
OK – it’s time to start this day. Hi-ho-hi-ho it’s off to knit I go! ;0)
Another day, another dollar, right? Well. Looks like it was right today. eBay has provided a little bit of money this week. G sold several video games with his sights set on a new game. Steve sold a few DVDs too. I listed a few clothing items to see if they might move. If not, we’ll donate the room full of stuff we got from Steve’s sister. We’ll see what happens.
I am struggling with dislike of eBay – since I’m the only one who uses the computer well enough to list items, I get stacks of stuff deposited into my space. I’m trying to handle it, but it’s not an area of strength for me. I walked into the bedroom and Steve had electronics spread out on our bed. He doesn’t spread the blankets, he lays the dusty stuff out on the sheet. <shudder> I can barely stand it. He was searching for cords and soon, I’ll have another box at my feet. He has got to learn to list his own stuff and put it in his room, not near me. I’m old! I have ICKIES about stuff.
I started a pair of wrist warmers today. A friend bought a pair and also paid for a purple shawl. I took pictures of the pink one I made and will list it on eBay (blak!) tomorrow. I have to package and mail all the games and dvd’s tomorrow. I know I have to work out these negatives toward something that might help us.
I was going over past readings today and am thinking I need to do some research. I may have another kind of focus I can make money from. Funny how everything has this money view right now – not really, but it has to be run through that filter. Will it make money, can I use it to make money. What are my talents and abilities? Can I market them? Can I use my skills in a way that I can keep up with need and want and demand? lol geez Amber, STOP for a minute!
BREATHE.
I walked out into the garden and loved on my baby lettuce. I pulled a couple and talked to them. I used my little 3 prong hand tool (what is that called?) and worked the roots a bit. I thought of the conversation I had with Sara this morning. She asked me if I am a witch. I told her some people might say so. She thinks there is a portal to magical creatures. I told her that all children are keepers of magic and imagination. I told her there is real magic and she has to prepare to receive her gifts. She wanted to know if I knew what her gifts are and I told her NO but I watch her to see if they are developing. She doesn’t understand, so I try to simply answer her questions and keep the communication open. I don’t want to discourage her or lead her into sillyness.
I opened my medicine bag tonight, something I haven’t done in a long time and handled each of the items in it. I spent a few minutes with my bear claw talking to my power animal. Sometimes she walks behind me and I don’t see her like I should. It was good to remember.
My gramma voice was giving me ideas for spring plants and telling me how to focus and where to put things. Most people don’t have an internal voice like I have. It’s no nonsense, loud, guiding, loving, practical – lol ever present. I may have to deal with the seriousness of money and making ends meet, but I am reclaiming my magic. I am reaquainting myself with my music and my early morning time. AND, I am reclaiming my meditation time and drumming. If I have to schedule it in, so be it. To my gramma voice – I’m sorry I wasn’t listening. I will remember.
I also hung a string of beads for the fae. It felt right.
I need to make some prayer ties.
This week has been full of blessings. Fall began. We got some nagging small needs taken care of. We won $25 at trivia in cash and first in housecash. I was commissioned to make a shawl and fingerless gloves. Another friend wants arm and leg warmers. We made a handfull of money on Ebay. Geoffrey has realized if he wants something new he has to get rid of something old. That’s a big lesson with a father who collects stuff. The temps have warmed back up and the fall garden is creeping along. We may get baby salad greens yet!
I got to buy cat food. They were so happy.
Pagan Pride is next Saturday. I’m hoping Beth will get to come up for it. Steve says we can go for a while. Last year, it was more like a venders heaven except for the music – Emerald Rose was there. They aren’t coming this year so we won’t stay a long time. I love my Emerald Rose lol! It’s also Steve’s birthday. We’ll fit in a free birthday dinner and some trivia with friends to close the day. You know what they say about the best laid plans!
I haven’t wandered a store looking at things with a dollar in my pocket in 3 years. People think I’m stretching the truth when I say that, but it’s true. When I went to Mexico for my daughter’s wedding, I got to buy things 🙂 A month and a week later, I was laid off. That’s really the last time I let myself buy something I wanted. I always leave my money at home when I go to the store! So yesterday, I went to Hobby Lobby to buy the yarn for my friend’s shawl. They didn’t have what I needed so I looked at what they did have. I looked at knitting machines and remembered how badly I’d wanted one back when Vanessa was a toddler. I laughed because I’ve lived without it just fine. I started searching for a crochet hook my friend Tina said made working with the specialized yarn the shawls are made from much easier. I couldn’t remember what it was called but I found a different one that LIGHTS UP. OMG! lol Something so simple as a new crochet hook has had me feeling like the world is kind again! I bought it. I was not struck by lightening, nor did I let my ‘gramma voice’ overwhelm me. I bought the lighted crochet hook and a pk of 3 small batteries to keep it going! I am so excited to use it. I also feel a little silly to be so giddy over a $5 purchase. (I bought a box of candles too.) I got home and tucked the rest of my money away. I’m over the need to shop. lol I MAY, however, buy a pack of universal sewing machine needles because mine are very old and dull. I want to search my sewing box first in case I have some.
Steve has agreed to learn to work the Ebay sellers tools. I figure he has the collection to sell, he should be responsible for getting it online. I can’t feel the value in old jerseys and sweat shirts and vintage games and handheld toys that only eccentric grownups will want. This way, I can not get yelled at for doing it wrong, and he is responsible for bringing in money. He’s always wanted to be a flea market dealer person. I hope he has a backyard, shed, bedroom, 3 closets and attic full of treasures. It’s too close to my “I hate this crap” place for me to nicely help him. I am going to try to sell a few of the used clothes we ended up with from helping Steve’s brother move. His sis-in-law had some beautiful things all with tags that she said we could have or donate. I dislike working ebaby but it seems to have a place in our lives right now.
Hubby will go off to work for his brother today and I’ll finish the pink shawl I’ve been working on. I started it 4 days ago. The fringe will take a bit because it’s hand knotted. These are so pretty – I will be totally ok if they don’t sell. I want one for myself! I also have a movie I want to watch today. G will wash dishes and vacuume.
I think the day will be a good one. I plan on it!
here’s my list of things we can handle this week. It’s my whole list! It’s also all on Steve and I’ll kill him if he doesn’t handle it timely. I don’t have money for penalties.
WOOT! WOOT! We have a bit of gas money too!
HA! That sounds awful. We ran out of dish soap yesterday, finally, and I made my own. No bubbles is kinda wierd and takes some getting used to. So here’s what I did. I mixed Borax and baking soda in a container. We won’t be letting the dishes pile up (yeah right) as much. I put a basin in the sink for soaking instead of my huge tub sink. The actual soap is a mixture in a lg Ajax recycled bottle. 1/2 c Dr. Bronners liquid Castille Soap (because it’s what I have), 2 TB liquid glycern, 3 drops tee tree EO, 1 cup vinegar, then fill the bottle with hot water. They say 1/2 cup to wash dishes including pots and pans for a family of 4’s use – sounds about right. So this morning, I made dog treats. You know the 1lb rolls of turkey meat? My bowl was a greasy mess when I finished. I soaked the bowl in borax and soda with a squirt of dw soap. Let sit for a few minutes and washed. No grease left over! I am totally pleased!
I used it to wash my eye glasses and had to rinse in a few drops of vinegar – the EO I guess seemed to smear the glasses a titch.
I got online and found a recipe for homemade fabric softner too! Now this is just too cool. With our appliance situation, we are juggling stuff to the point that everything is stiff and rough. The top part of the washer’s agitator is broken. It doesn’t spin out the water correctly, so while we have a limping dryer, we have to still hang clothes till they are mostly dry. It’s barely working but better than nothing. Steve and I were discussing the possibility of fabric softner but we have to be careful because we are both extremely sensitive to fragrances. I found a recipe this morning I’m going to try.
Fabric Softener Sheets:
3- 4 cups water
1 cup vinegar
1 cup of hair conditioner (the cheaper the better)
A plastic bottle to mix the ingredients in and a second plastic container – anything that has a lid (I’m thinking one of those containers you buy with lunch meat in it)
Combine all ingredients in your large bottle and shake well. Use old wash cloths, (if they are badly frayed, trim and hem them) or cut and hem an old towel. Cut the towel or wash clothes or rags to fit into the square plastic container. Layer 3 to 5 clothes
and pour enough softener to get the bottom rag wet. Seal the container. To use a
fabric softener sheet, flip the stack of rags and get the wet one. Wring it out
into the container. After your clothes are dry, put the used cloth back on top.
Next time turn the stack over to get another wet one. Just keep rotating through the
rags and add more fabric softener to the container as needed. (Think of all the different scents of conditioner – coconut, kiwi-lime, strawberry, ocean breeze, blackberry and green tea – something will be just right I’m sure) Vinegar is a natural rinsing agent and will not leave a smell but helps make your clothes soft. Also, you can almost always find VO5 or Suave conditioners for under $1.00 a bottle so this is very economical. Buying big gallon jugs of vinegar also makes it even cheaper.
We’ve been using the lemon washing powder I made for 2 weeks now and Steve’s happy. He does the laundry. Hopefully the fabric softner sheets will make him even happier! He did kinda draw back at the first wiff – the conditioner I have on hand is REAL light on scent and the vinegar got him! lol There are moments I wish we had on video! He just called down, “wring it out? I hope it doesn’t cause any spots!” We shall see and I’ll let you know.
There’s not a lot happening besides adjustments at the moment. It feels like I’m wringing EVERYTHING out. Cutting more pennies here and there. I try not to let myself think it’s not enough – but it’s hard to block those thoughts. Fall is here. Today, my family is intact. G told me if we ever move from GA he wants to go to LA or AR. He’s so funny.
It’s the 22nd of the month and I still have $212 to make it to the 11th of Oct. I’ve actually set a goal to have some Food Stamps left over. I really feel if you get a benefit, you should value it and not waste any part of it. Since the other part of my goal was to only shop twice for groceries in a month, I think we’re doing pretty good. When you make fairly big runs, the trick is to keep your fresh items from going bad. Like the cucumbers and the lettuce and spinach. I shopped hungry – it couldn’t be helped – and the next day I made batches of stuff – like the spinach noodles and potato salad and Steve wanted BLT’s and I didn’t let him cook the whole pk of bacon. so today, I cooked the last 8 slices and we’ll do BLT’s again. Now that leaves the spinach noodles to use again. I worried about letting them rest in the fridge too long. If I hadn’t used spinach in them, they would of kept better. We’ve been buying manager’s special bread and making bread pudding – lasts most of the week. I’m making yogurt today. I have some peach syrup I put up last year that will flavor it wonderfully. It really is a balancing act.
My youngest daughter called a bit ago and asked me to help her figure out what to do with $5. She’s home and hungry. She has ingredients for corn bread. She has butter. She needs milk. I suggested a can of tuna, some milk (wish I could get some powdered milk to her) and a $1’s worth of vegetables. Green vege’s would be best. With milk she could make white sauce. She needs to buy corn starch too next time she can. I’m going to make her a list of basics. She’s learning.
Anyway. I imagine if anyone read this far they deserve a medal. I don’t mean to bore anyone, I’m just trying to work things out OUT LOUD.
AND for the people who think my dog shouldn’t get dog treats when we are so broke – piss on em. (except Kayla who was sick when she said it and my other kids who only think it). That dog is the only thing that keeps us sane. We walk him as often as we get to leave the house. He loves us and pushes us to play and laugh and love him back. I think spending $1 for a roll of ground turkey or chicken that is mixed with 30 yr old ground flour, 30 yr old powdered eggs, and 30 yr old powdered milk is not too much to do for him. I wasn’t kidding when I said that survival stash was gonna save my pet’s lives for as long as possible. Until I’m on the street, my cats are NOT expendable. Even IF I live on the street, neither is my dog. This is not their fault and I do not believe in killing them when we can still manage to feed them. I don’t want to hear ANY opinions on my animals that is negative.
Anyway. Enough for today. Be blessed and please change your way of thinking. Start striving to save every penny you can, not spend them because some advertiser reels you in with images and the word SALE. Pennies are fucking precious. That soda you get with your lunch and pay almost $3 for, is TWO 2-liter bottles of the same soda – it’s enough money to make a difference to someone who’s hungry or homeless. It’s enough money to help a child not go to bet with hunger pains. I’m not trying to make anyone feel guilty – but if people with their needs met could just skrimp for 2 days a month – what a difference could be made right here in America. Use it to buy tampons for some woman in a shelter or some small item of hygene that food stamps won’t cover and hand it to someone who is going through this crap. more than 1 in 10 are suffering. We all know somebody we could make a difference to if we just stop trying NOT to notice.
Ah…for someone making her own soap I sure stand on the box enough. Sorry. I’m going back to my knitting corner now. Peace and love – REALLY.
You know, I may just write her in! Legalize pot. Forgive student loans. Forgive American debt. Grow nuts for protein to solve world hunger. Outlaw Bullshit. Embrace Matriarchy.
http://www.roseanneworld.com/blog/2010/05/my-campaign-for-president-of-t.php
Sounds better to me than anyone else I’ve heard. Here’s a small quote:
“Women, let’s stop propping up bullshit and reflecting it back at twice its size!! Let’s drop out big time and stop buying things! Let’s plant gardens. Let’s not buy in, let’s get real.
Let’s take back the real estate between our ears and get green like a son of a bitch!
Let’s start our own schools and teach our kids to heal the world and not destroy it. Let’s help each other first for once, before we help men or their gods! Let’s be selfish for our own sake and theirs, just this once. I know the thought of that seems blasphemous and horrific, but we have to do it!”
She’s irreverant and off the wall and pissy as usual – but some good ideas are better than no good ideas.
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Really, I’m tired. I’ve stretched dollars till they scream. I’m selling our things. I am holding on. I still smile. I’m angry. I cry. I laugh at stupid stuff. I’m doing everything I know how to do without killing my pets, or my husband. When people tell me they are gonna do something, I need them to keep their word. I have momentary “rises in reaction” to people I love and they don’t mean I love you less. It just means I’m tired. If it weren’t for the fact we’ll be cold, I’d be calling the fall and winter to us so I can crawl inside my personal cave and hide for a while. I need it. The self nurturing time women need so badly as they cycle is practically non-existant when you are clawing to survive.
My son is selling his games on Ebay so he can have a new one to play. He’s an amazing teen. His front tooth has a huge cavity that he swears doesn’t hurt and I can’t get it fixed. I applied for peachcare but the system isn’t straightforward and I can’t figure out how to get it into place for us. I haven’t had generations of using the benefits to guide me through figuring out welfare. The offices don’t make it easy either. They are swamped and there are years of backlog because so many are in the line ahead of me. My dyslexia and problem with numbers isn’t helping either. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO IT!
I am tired.
The mail lady came to the door today to have me sign for a certified letter from the IRS. We owe them $466 and they intend to seize our State Tax Refund or our right to property if that doesn’t pay them off. Can I say how scared I am? OOOOOHHHHH… unemployed for 3 yrs and that’s all they can threaten me with? shit. I guess we’ll keep our assets in cash under the mattress. what a joke. There is no cash and there are no assets. We haven’t seen a refund in years either. Wonder if they will give me a job so I can pay them? I should ask.
I started a little quilt for my new grandson today. It’s Winnie the Pooh. I hope the kids don’t decide it’s politically incorrect or something. I think it’s sweet. it’s one of those prepatterned ones that you simply hand stitch. I don’t think I wrote about V’s baby being a boy. All babies excite me. I’d give my teeth :0) to be able to be close to the grands. Little Isaac is standing on his own and so close to walking. I wonder what V will name her son. naming was always my favorite part of having a baby!
Nothing really interesting going on. I’m trying to stay positive. We give new meaning to the term raggedy. lol But really, you know that knot you get that’s almost in your throat when you want to cry? It has settled and won’t budge. It’s time to find a way to pay for emmissions and tags and the list grows daily –

Today's efforts
So the alarm went off at 6:15am. I got up, threw my clothes on, twisted my hair into a bun, walked G to his bus stop, and climbed into the Jimmy. 6:38am. I made a quick trip to Kroger to deposit the money Steve made yesterday. Then headed to Walmart to shop for groceries. EBT refilled this morning. By 9am, I was home and groceries were put up. The sugar I bought was like gold to me this morning!
Yesterday I cleaned all the cabinets, sorted the pots and pans, cleaned under the sink and screwed canning jar lids to the underside of the top cabinets. I placed 8 jars – one each for bread crumbs, powdered milk, corn meal, flour, sugar, brown sugar, irish cut oats, and grits. I love how it looks. I made oatmeal bar soap.
I’ve boiled half a chicken and made a wonderful broth; and there are spinach noodles laying on plastic ziploc bags (for want of a sheet of plastic lol) drying. I sectioned my dough into 4ths and didn’t realize how to cut it until the last quarter! lol A pizza cutter is the way to go – NOT a boning knife! Oh the effort I’d of saved myself! (I poured the spinach cooking water into the chicken broth.)
I have my dehydrator soaking for a thorough clean. Not quite sure what I’ll do with it, but it feels like I need to get it ready for something.
We had BLT’s for lunch. I bought a big tomato and we had salad greens to use. Since neither of us ate breakfast, we cooked 5 slices of bacon and made 3 sandwhiches on fresh sliced french bread. YUM! The rest of the loaf is sitting sliced and uncovered to get stale for a bread pudding I have been craving. My UK friend Naomi told me how to make it and I can’t wait. Like I said, that sugar is gold!
I’ll make a nice chicken and vegetable soup for tomorrow. Tonight we’ll have spinach pasta with onions and peppers and chicken. I think I’ll make a parmesan cream sauce to drizzle over it. I don’t have enough to drench it in fetticcini sauce, but I’ll be darned if what I make is lacking! It’s gonna be awesome. My god this is nice even though it’s simple fare. We’ll get 4 meals out of that one chicken.
I splurged and got a pkg of pizza rolls, oreos, and a lunchable for Geoffrey. I bought a gallon of vanilla ice cream. No soda, no premade anything. I got salt pork to add to beans and collards. I got 2 lbs of gr beef, a pkg of chicken livers, 1 whole chicken, a pk of 3 cube steaks, a pk of 4 boneless pork chops, a Smoked Beef sausage, a 1lb pk of Jimmy Dean breakfast sausage, and 1 small pk of cheap bacon. I had a small roast in the freezer already that I was hording. I bought 10 cans of tuna, 2 cans of chunk chicken, and 3 cans of Vienna Sausage. I got a big block of cheese and 2 pks of lunch meat.
It sounds like so much to spend $260. 3 yrs ago I was spending that much every week and not even thinking twice. Now I check my receipt, check off each item, stretch everything as far as possible, and even hide things my guys will go through in the night time hours that I haven’t planned for. I’ve got a menu made up. I’ve got a revolving grocery list. I’ve made our laundry soap, bath soap, dish soap, dog treats, and even shampoo. The fall garden is planted.
Everyday I wake up thinking Goddess help us save our home. Every night I go to bed whispering the same thing, Goddess help us save our home. I know we are out of work. I know there is no work here – it’s so hard to let go of every plan we made for our home just because the economy is shot. I know, pack and store our things so we can sell the house… that’s the plan – but it still sucks. This is where we wanted to live. Surely something can still unfold?
Please Universe?
I got up this morning and feel pretty good. I have a project for today – cleaning the lower kitchen cabinets. I finished the upper cabinets yesterday. They are pretty bare but they are clean and ready for groceries. I called my big strong hubby to check out a spider which was definitely a black widow. She was busy making herself a home in the back of the top shelf. Steve squished her with a sun screen bottle. Ew. Any other kind of spider and we’d have caught and carried her outside.
I walked out and checked my new seedlings – it’s chilly and they are growing slowly. It should warm up again in the next couple days.
I have coffee. The Goddess is is vibrant BLUE this morning!
I’m going to make out a good grocery list today to use on the 11th. OMG that’s tomorrow!
Speaking of the 11th. My blessings to everyone on that day. We were all effected. 10 yrs ago, I wanted to gather my family around me and stay at home. It took every bit of strength I could muster to let us emerge from my cocoon thoughts. I guess the media thinks remembering all the tragedy visually, is the way to go. Every year, terrorists try to cripple us with fear. We allow it. We are forever changed. I think we should keep our memories and share them in our homes. The Cherokee people were storytellers. We taught through our stories; remembered through our stories; and walked forward with our stories. Whipping the fear and sadness back up each year upsets me badly. It’s not the right way to remember. It’s like, the difference between watching a story and reading a story. I don’t think we need the visuals to accomplish the understanding. Yeah well, what do I know?
I have 2 panels finished of the 8 I need to make G’s new afghan. He needs a blanket to crawl under this winter. I remember last winter and how cold we were – it’s still gonna be cold this year. lol No money appeared to fix the heater so I am preparing. The blanket will be very “Army” looking.
We won $50 cash last night. I’m going to insist Steve get shoes and we pay the tag/taxes on the Jimmy. AND we won $50 house cash. Two firsts in a row.
The little dog cookies I made lasted 2 weeks! Jackie settled into accepting them without too much coaxing. $1 for 2 weeks of treats. Wonderful trick.
There is fish for dinner tonight. I’ll fry it I think. we’ll have potato soup and a mixed green salad. Actually, I can’t wait.
So what else? Say a prayer for my youngest girl. She’s got a hell of a day ahead.
– aside from being dry enough to plant the rest of the seeds, I think that’s it. Just good stuff this morning. Good stuff.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ oh yeah, our autumn girl has been active weaving her magic outside the front window. Isn’t she lovely?
