Green Jean Granny

Recording the process, you know? Fibromyalgia. Good stuff. Changes.

I’m managing to pack 3 boxes a day.  At this rate, I can leave GA in December. 🙂

We should get the HUD papers and a set amount for closing today. I hope it’s a low amount!

I flared really bad after Sara took pills. Stress. Tami took Sara off Facebook. They have finalized the adoption and I really don’t know whether I should leave her alone or keep popping in randomly. I have been thinking about writing her letters. Maybe that’s the best approach. I can’t give up my grand daughter.

The emotional part of things is pretty good with the excitement of the new house. I’m still missing the cues where my kids are concerned. I wish I was a mom who always remembered holidays and birthdays and special occassions. I’m not. I forget everything. EVERYTHING. This morning I can’t remember Isaac’s middle names. This week, I have to be on top of G’s graduation stuff which he hates being involved in. No help there. I need to get him dress clothes, slacks, shirt, tie, dress shoes. 19 yrs old and he’s not had them since he was 4. His baccalauret(sp) is this Saturday, then there are 3 practices and the final ceremony. He’s only doing it under duress. lol I am twisting his Aspie arm.

G has decided not to head to Indiana for Freshman year but to begin at the community college level then transfer. He’s worried about being able to handle it emotionally (his words) because he fights depression. His older ‘younger’ siblings think it’s a terrible idea and that we aren’t pushing him enough. I think as long as he continues school, V will agree with me. I have a kid who is emotionally young. I can’t send him STATES away from us when he can’t take care of himself. I think he needs a taste of working and college without a $48K price tag. If he manages it without problems, he can go next year. If he struggles and needs to rethink his plan, he’ll be less burdened. I’m not done protecting this chick. His Asperger’s is mild, but people who don’t live with it daily, don’t understand the ins and outs of it. 19 and he’s never developed a friendship. He’s never had a date. He can’t tie his shoes. I have to make him shower and care for his teeth. It’s hard to know what is best and where to push. The finances of this however, are huge. They could ruin his credit and affect his future because he has to have financial aid to go. He’s chosen a $200,000 career prep path. If he can do it with half that burden on his shoulders when he graduates, I think that’s wise. Anyway…

The day has begun so I’m done writing for today.

I’m so excited about the new house…MY house. My choice, not a house I’ve settled for, but one I picked! I can’t wait!

Now to pack for it. How strange to have so very little to take. I am, once again, moving with son and dogs, my guitar, a bit of yarn, some kitchenware and a few books. We’ll bring the fridge, the dressers, a sofa and a chair, and a few odd tables. There will be no pictures this time and no sentimentals. I think a few plants and pots will come.

Steve will pack what he wants to bring which is mostly records, stereo equipment, sports memorabilia. He’ll stay behind and sell his stuff that he has bought to sell. The plan is, he’ll join us by Labor Day. I hope he pulls it off in that time frame.

When we go to Geoffrey’s orientation for college, Steve will come to Rocky Mount and bring the inside cats and Tug. That will leave 5 more to bring in September. I wish we had a way to rehome 2 of them, but they are used to eating here and we can’t leave them behind. It is what it is – choices to help are committments whether here or there.

I’ve made arrangements to have a lady come in and help me with vaccuming and moping twice a month. A little spanish woman named Irma. She speaks very little english and I can’t speak spanish to save my life. lol Guess I have something to learn! Geoffrey says he’ll help me. Maybe she will inspire him to learn a bit too.

Steve’s making big plans to sell this house and buy 2 more in RM as rentals. He’s not happy that rents are so low there. we intend to buy a lot/acre that we can garden on. As much as I wanted to raise our own meat and such, he just can’t eat what he’s raised. My hubby is a big tender heart 🙂 I wouldn’t change that gentle part of him, so we have adjusted the plan. Garden in containers, and have our brick house – mostly because we are too old to do anything else.

I get to see my sister in June too – she’s shaved her head. She looks rough – grayish. I know she has to keep hoping, trusting for healing – we all would – I think she’s starting to be fearful it might not happen. There are still active cells on her liver. In November, she hits the 2 yr mark. It’s where Drs said she’d not make it to. It’s so hard to watch her from miles away and know that even if I were closer, all I could do would be watch. I have a heartfull of wishes and I know all they are is wishes.

Anyway. This is what is taking up my time right now. Odd things, stray thoughts; phone calls to make the transition as smooth as possible – arrangements for help, a fence, utilities, CLOSING 🙂 taxes, college, knitting… always knitting. Lots of new wash clothes for the house so I can leave behind the old stained ones. And most of the house has hardwood floors which will be so much easier to keep clean than carpet.

With the disability started and work here in Atlanta, we are doing so much better. I feel the stress disapating…so many yrs of it…finally letting us go. Oh yeah, one more thing – I am officially through menopause.

We had had such a long morning and were so tired. Driving our seperate cars down Peachtree Rd, 5 lanes of mall type traffic in Chamblee at 11am, we passed someone’s big gorgeous cat freshly hit in the road. I teared up thinking about Snowball and Steve, ahead of me, pulled into the Quick Trip. He asked if I’d seen the cat and said he couldn’t leave it there to be mangled and crushed. We turned around and he pulled off to the side street by these road front condos (obviously where the cat had come from) I pulled into the turn lane and stopped with my flashers on so people could see there was something up. When the light up the road stopped the traffic, Steve ran out with a lap blanket and grabbed the kitty, running back across 2 lanes to make it out of the way. He gently laid the kitty on the grass a good 6 ft away from the road. I hope the people can tell someone showed their baby a last kindness.

I’m so relieved to finally be home today.

We adopted a male kitten back in 2004 from the pound because Geoffrey heard they were gonna put down 286 cats before christmas at a local kill shelter. I never forgot that number. He lived with us 10 yrs. I’m sure gonna miss him.

I was given the number 5 for 5 things most people don’t know about me – a facebook game. I protested that there weren’t 5 things. Then I said I’d try to do it and started.
1. I say F*ck and sh*t very, very often.
2. I miss having real life friends
3. I don’t see very well (which is usually why I say F and S AND don’t read anymore).
4. I am an introvert and when it kicks in, I can’t make myself move around it no matter how hard I try.
5. I fight depression constantly.

Then I was struck by why I thought I had to share these things. I think I wear the happy stuff on the outside – I think my coping mechanisms are front and center –

I use mantras constantly.
I mentally frame my day in pink to get past pain.
I’ve never believed anyone could love me
I’m way too serious and emotional.
I like comfort and pretty things and was not cut out to be a happy poor person.

In spite of my internal voice yelling at me “want in one hand, spit in the other and see which gets full the fastest;” I want stuff. I want a lot of things.

• I want a nice house.
• I want decent clothes that aren’t jeans.
• I want to move to NC.
• I want to be warm.
• I want my teeth fixed.

I settled on the following 5…

I like sparkles.
I don’t like nuts.
I check the mailbox at 1am.
I gag on sweet coffee.
I said I couldn’t make a list of 5 things, then made 4 different lists and chose this one to play the game with. Then of course I saved the other three . . .

It’s THE day. I am praying it all works out in our favor. One way is prefered and will bring an ease to the stuff we’ve gone through for so long. The other way will still see us moving, but the EASE factor will not kick in. Whatever happens, we will deal with.

Life is about change, right?

UPDATE: I was approved for disability. Wierd, the mixed feelings.

I haven’t felt like posting in a good while.

I’m working again finally, but it’s hard physically. Taking on midnight to 8am with a 6am till 2pmish each weekend day is hard on the body. When we get moved, I’m never throwing newspapers again. That’s a promise both Steve and I are making.

Geoffrey has taken both his ACT and SAT now. He really wants to go to the University of Chicago or the University of Indiana Bloomington – it’s hard to get behind that when my kid won’t tie his shoes or learn to drive. I just say nothing and try to encourage him to take on the least amount of debt possible. He’s a good kid. I expect he’ll be fine where ever he goes to college.

Our new dog, Scotty has fit in like a charm. He’s a little clown and the perfect companion for Rory. Steve calls him Scotty Wotty and the little dog just dances!

Cox is buying out my pension and we plan to move to NC with the money we get. It will be small and simple but hopefully no payment and a bit of land. That will free Steve up to fix this house to sell, and in the end, maybe we’ll get a small rental out of the deal. We can hope 🙂

That’s about all that’s happening on a big scale and the small stuff is just that – small.

We lost one of our kitties last night. Tinkerbelle – it’s a sad day at our house.  June 7th, 2007 to August 6th, 2014. We’ll miss you sweet girl. Summerland will be a brighter place.

EBT loaded and I was able to eat better. 6 lbs down in one day is water weight. Still, it helps.