Green Jean Granny

The Solstice came and went. I made a nice meal that I ate alone because Steve went off to trivia, and G doesn’t ever eat what I cook. So I made myself happy and had a lovely potato soup.

Now we are just doing what other people do – getting together as we can, seeing family as they hit Atlanta. Eating. Knitting. Avoiding the crowds and staying warm.

I have to pay the water bill tonight and finish a slipper for Sara – and that’s it.

I made chicken enchiladas the easy way. Cut it up, mix it together, throw everything in a casserole and cover it with cheese. Yum. We made cookies and corn bread. I’ll make stuffing for Christmas and bread pudding. I can’t wait to see Haskell and Vanessa and Kelly. Their plane should arrive at 7:30 from San Francisco.

The house is quiet. The dog is snuggled against me. My ladder is twinkling. It’s a good night.

Happy Holidays everyone.

As much as I want to say we are not buying gifts, I still found myself having a stupid crying jag over another special day I can’t afford to get my kid a present. How many birthdays? How many holidays? Christmas last year was his French cd’s from Heather, and a book from Susan. School clothes come from Melissa. I am so thankful…but my kid is a kid even at 16. He wants 2 books. Two study books – I’m taking my change jar and cashing it in for him. That should be just enough. It’s my own fault. I rode with a neighbor to the gas station and got her $15 in gas today so she could get to her mom’s – her husband had hit her in the face again and she had her car packed and no gas money. Sometimes I wonder if the gods send people like that to me because I have promised to always pay my debts forward. I don’t know, but they come to me, and I can’t bear to turn anyone away. So afterwards, when looking at the newly formed wish list on my Amazon account, I started crying. It wasn’t there 2 days ago. G just figured out the books last night I guess. Ah well, that’s my kid. Not much on the want list and as last minute as his mama.

I got all the pages faxed to BOA, again today. If they deny this restructure, we can ask them to reopen the case and claim that the circumstances have changed because of my new part-time job. Small blessings. If nothing else, it’s a delay tactic.

Food stamps and medicaid were renewed through June.

2 friends are sending me some work clothes. Bless them.

Things are on the UP. I don’t know why I am so moody today. I need to just talk to G and explain that our gifts have to wait till the utilities are caught up. He will be disappointed, but he’ll understand. I couldn’t justify buying stamps to send cards when I couldn’t get his books. Sara’s birthday is the 18th and nothing for her either. I’d planned necklaces for her and her dolls for christmas, but her birthday…I’m stumped. If I can come up with something, I’ll try to get it to Kaiha to take to her. 🙂

And then there’s Kayla – Isaac is causing her quite a lot of trouble. His terrible 2’s are running her ragged and her body is not recovered enough for the stress she places on herself. She locked herself in the bathroom to keep from going off on him. I wish I could help her. I know I’ve certainly been where she is.

Anyway…I’m better enough. Shake it off and roll on.

I worked yesterday! I am happy.

One day at a time is perfectly fine, it really is.

Today, We are going to get our paperwork sent off to Bank of America. I need to get Christopher’s hat given to him. Maybe we can fit in trivia tonight 🙂

Right now, the plan is to work tomorrow.

Oh yeah, did I tell you? I got a job? It’s working front desk at a local dental office. There are some bumps to iron out, but fingers crossed, it will work out.

Kayla’s in labor. She started this tired. I wanted to hear her be excited.

I got out of bed and thought about new babies. There is nothing happier than new babies to a grandmother.

I am so proud of my daughters. All of them.

Yesterday we ran errands.
Grocery store.
Electric company.
Bank.
Post office.
Library.
Walmart.
Department of Motor Vehicles.
We forgot to buy trash bags and were headed to the dollar store for a couple of other items, when we had a flat tire. Of course our spare was gone. The cable holding it in place had snapped sometime before we needed it. Luckily, we had enough money on us to buy a used tire from a place down the road. It took 3 hours to get the Jimmy back on the road.
We finally got home at 7:30pm. I made Steve 2 Hot Pockets, a can of soup, and baked a pie that thawed while we were stranded in the car. We watched Dancing With The Stars and I went to bed. I was pooped.

This morning, The code enforcing officer came back by and wrote Steve a ticket. They have decided our cars are junk even though we have taken all the steps to assure they are NOT junk. We can’t afford to pay the tags, insurance and fees on them, so we have had the titles suspended as we were instructed to do and we keep them in running condition. The officer didn’t care. she said we could have called her for more time (like we should have just known that) and they are still junk cats and she wrote Steve the ticket for all of the 3 vehicles even though he explained. He was so upset. The fine if found guilty is $1,000. He said they might as well put him in jail now. He has the speeding ticket to go back to court on the same week too that he can’t pay. He’s not a happy camper.

I am knitting. I also feel like I am 12 yrs old, floating outside of myself writing what I am watching. How strange.

I am fine. La la la … I think I’ll go find It’s a Wonderful Life and watch it.

Cheesy pasta with meat sauce on top. YUM!

crescent rolls with cream cheese filling. WONDERFUL!

Well, we have a good holiday under our belts. YAY!

We came to three conclusions. 1: I need to always cook for us because no one cooks like mama 🙂 and 2: Brussel sprouts do not belong on the TG table when a person travels! lol Seriously, the food wasn’t that good and now I have to cook our turkey breast and favorites for us. Steve said it’s a sad note when the cheesy pasta is the best dish at the gathering. And 3: don’t buy a Turducken pre-made. Blah. There was not a good dish of stuffing in the house and there were 4 huge pans. This year, it’s not gonna be us stuck eating that shit! We carried a couple of to-go containers of leftovers that I picked out for my girls and that is all we took with us. Last year, the family gifted us with all the crap no one liked and since we had nothing, we ate it. This year, we had a casserole waiting at home (yes, cheesy pasta) and today after Steve tackles the pots and pans, I will cook for us! We have a corn casserole, greenbean casserole, stuffing, sweet potatoes with marshmallows, regular mashed potatoes, gravy, turkey breast, cranberry sauce, pumpkin cake with apple glaze, and a condiment tray. We don’t mind left overs when they are yummy. G will get his cinnamon rolls for breakfast, and before the weekend is over I’ll sneak in pumpkin and mincemeat pies.

To top the day off, my daughter received her 1st yr chip/medallion from AA. In a room full of raggedy young people who most likely had no place else to go judging from their circle ‘stories’, it was announced to be her ‘birthday’ and she teared up and said thank you, and the meeting was over. Everyone hugged her and she was crying, and then everyone hugged me and Geoffrey and expressed the most heartfelt thank you for being here’s I’ve ever felt. Jessica was there and Kayla, her wife; and KC, Kaiha’s girlfriend, Taryn, me and G. Steve drove us, and waited in the truck with his book and flashlight. I can’t drive at night, and he drove me – and that was it. He wasn’t rude. He kept his good mood. He spoke when they spoke to him and they left him alone because that’s what he wanted. We drove home and finished out a very nice night watching Leave It to Beaver re-runs.
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On a side note, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the last exchange I had with my mom. It took me all these years to realize the valium and alcohol she consumed is why she doesn’t remember the things I remember from growing up. She said she did not have nervous break downs. Her second one, was the reason I couldn’t finish high school. Her first was the reason we had a live in babysitter. I mean, Mrs Clyburn was a blessing to our lives. We loved her and she made me love thread crochet, and I am still friends with her granddaughter, but come on…my mother rewrites the history and blames it on me.I was her oldest child and I remember her shit. And when she did the “I don’t know who’s house YOU grew up in amber, but it wasn’t mine.” I called her on it, gave her a link to what the alcohol and valium do when mixed and said my piece, and blocked her. She does that bat her eyes innocent thing and everybody rallies around the missionary, and I am left out in the cold with no one – and then, when I was talking to Kate, not about anything in particular, she said she felt that I was crying inside for validation. We weren’t even talking about anything near this. She reminded me that she’s an empath – damn, she’s good. Last night, listening to the kids in the room with my daughters, I realized the thing they all were lacking was validation. One young man had pin-pointed it very well. I remember being 9 yrs old and I looked in the mirror, and I saw this piece of hair that sticks up – it still sticks up today. I took scissors back then and cut it off, against my scalp, and she went ballistic and accused me of disfiguring myself. All I was, was a little girl, wanting to fix her hair. Mama and I have replayed THAT scenario over and over all our lives. Me, saying or doing something, and she, responding like I was coming from the worst place inside me. We’ve never shed that pattern. For the first time in my life, I’m ready to not disect it, and to let it be what it is. It became my problem because I wanted that validation from my mommy that never came. I wonder how much of that carried to my kids and became the building blocks for their addictions? It’s quite a series of thoughts if you entertain it. It’s lifted it’s head a few times. I really don’t want to dig deep and mess with it. Not today anyway. I’m just putting it here so I don’t forget.