Green Jean Granny

I went outside this morning and behind the Jimmy, sat a tree stump with it’s roots. Steve worked with his brother yesterday and I have to have his junk carried to our yard.

Steve and I both have stuff, don’t get me wrong. I have dishes, cook books, yarn, beads, books, paints, any craft item I might possibly need, I have. Steve has broken electronis, old moldy books, old board games, dry rotted basketballs, and every item I’ve ever asked him to donate. Is mine different from his? Mine is organized and has a place. His is jammed into a shed, in closets, against the house on our deck. Mine is pleasant to look at. His makes me cringe.

But really, I keep asking myself, is there a difference? I’ve almost left him over this 3 times in our 18 yrs. I love him, but I can’t stand his stuff.

I was contacted about a job from my online resume posting. I was worried the job could be a scam for my bank account information – I’ve done as much research as I can and it looks legit. Dare I start to think this might happen after 3 years of unemployment? For a decent amount and with a company I’d like to work for? An Internet Company! Oh man… I’m afraid to breathe. I had to ask them if they can work around my Tuesday commitment since it’s pre-paid till May. I’m waiting to hear back. If they can’t, I’ll ask Bobby if he can let us clean on the weekend. What a problem to have –

We have time to work it out.

Light a candle for me, say a prayer, throw a rock…whatever you do to stir the energy. It’s not set yet and I sure need it to be.

Not much sleep last night, but I asked for this – hubby came to bed and watched his tv till 2:15 am. I’ve bitched for so long about wanting him with me, saying I didn’t care if he watched tv in bed. I’ve made his life hell over this issue and I just realized, I lied. I care because I want sleep. Damn me! I will never complain about this except in private! At least if he goes to sleep I can turn it off. Gramma naps are mandatory now! I woke up 2 more times to pee between then and when G woke me up at 5:40 to make his oatmeal. I told G I would fix his breakfast if he wanted, when he went to bed. I’m doing myself such favors these days. lol

Just shoot me. 😉

I took out 11″ of my sweater front due to pattern confusion. GAH! Oh well, it will be right and I know it will be right, so I guess it was worth it. Now to hunker down and get it done.

The soap I made yesterday rinses really well. It separates which I wasn’t expecting, but mixes right back up with a good shake. Very thin. I’m not real comfortable with washing dishes without bubbles yet, but we’ll see how it goes.

I have made a dietary change. In our financial situation, it makes me nervous, but I’m committing for 3 weeks to see if there is a difference in the swelling and joint pain I have. I am going gluten free. I’m cutting carbs to a lower level, and cutting sugar. I’m not cutting carbs and sugar out all together, but they are inevitably lowered with this change. I’ve noticed a huge difference in my leg and feet swelling in just 2 days. Today is day 3. I had 2 eggs, and about 1/3 cup of GF baking mix turned into a simple pancake for bread. I needed a bit of filler this morning. We have to shop by what is on sale not from a planned list as we have always done and it’s not real condusive to GF eating, but we’ll see how it goes. I wonder if I can make GF homemade crackers. That would be awesome.

We are going to get some/a few groceries today. This is a good thing. I was paid $600 for advance work and I’m having a problem figuring out how to handle it. I need to pay $100 to keep the Internet on. We have spent $91 on household supplies (soap stuff, G’s stuff, pet food). We desperately need groceries – we are going to be $200 short, each month, for the next 3 months because of how this will work. Gods help us figure it out. I hope getting greens replanted and herbs, and making all our soap, selling crafts, with a garage sale, will even us out. At least that’s the plan.

G’s backpack broke outright yesterday. I had to spend to replace it. $24. Precious money, but you should have seen his face. He was excited, he liked it, I got kisses. He didn’t even ask to pick it out. He needed a big one and said whatever I got would be fine. And it was . . .

It seems like there are unending dishes lately. Must be because I’m doing them lol They never bother me when Steve does them. Oh my. The things I put down to write a blog.

The house is still an issue. No way to make payments. I don’t know what to do so we do everything BUT discuss the house. I told Steve I feel like a yo-yo. We come so close to smashing into a wall to be jerked back from the brink and then we head towards the same wall with no way of knowing if we’ll hit it this time, either. He goes to his brother for help and get’s it, but it can’t come forever and we know it.

Well, enough of that. It’s a new day and I have groceries to buy and knitting to do. Have a blessed day everyone. xxoo’s

Kayla asked me for soap recipes again so I thought I’d bump them up.

Handwashing Dish Soap

1 bar of Octagon soap – grated, melted into a gallon of water, DO NOT BOIL. Stir in 1 cup vinegar and 1/2 cup baking soda and 2 TB food grade glycerin. Pour into containers and cool. Seal after they cool. I’m hoping this will work as I want it to. I’m sure it will clean them and we can always run them through the dishwasher with a vinegar rinse if we need to. I paid .79 for the bar of soap.

Here is the recipe for Dish washer Detergent that I would use.

You have to scrape and pre-wash, sorry :0)

Mix the following and use 1 rounded

tablespoon per load:

1 – 55 ounce box of Arm & Hammer® Super Washing Soda  1 – 76 ounce box of 20 Mule Team® Borax  1 – 48 ounce box of coarse Kosher Salt  1 – 2 ounce container of food-grade Citric Acid — You can find this online or at your local brewery or specialty beer store. If you cannot find this you can substitute 10-15 lemon Kool-aid envelopes per batch **the small unsweetened ones**, if you use any other flavor you could easily color the inside of your dishwasher (you need 10-15 envelopes to equal the 1-2oz of straight citric acid.) If you do not use some form of citric acid… you will most likely have the cloudy residue left that most “green” cleaners leave.

#2 Dishwasher Detergent

1 cup Washing Soda 1 cup Borax optional: 2-3 drops essential oil Note on recipe: if you have problems with clowdy dishes, add 1/2 cup oxiclean powder to the mix and mix in some seventh generation powder (equal ratio) to the mix. for the pre-rinse, add one small drop of liquid detergent (hand wash detergent). Use vinegar for the rinse cycle. Dishes will sparkle!

My apologies that I can’t credit the two recipes above.

I’ve decided if we need an extra boost, we’ll simply use the hand washing dish soap recipe, wash the dishes, then rinse in the dishwasher with vinegar.

Laundry soap again:

• 2 cups Borax
• 2 cups Washing Soda
• 1 regular sized bar of soap (I used Fels Naptha, but ivory, Zote, Octagon or homemade bar soap will work) I times this by 4. We add essential oil for additional scent – lemon is real nice. We use 1/4 cup per load.

For fabric softner, I mix 2/3 cup of super cheap hair conditioner any brand, any scent you want, with 1 cup vinegar and 2 cups water. Shake well. In a sandwich sized container, place 6 cut up towel squares, cover with solution and put the lid on. Place 1 square in the dryer with your clothes. Dry as usual. Put the square back into the container, flip it over to re-wet it, refill as necessary.

I do make my own bar soap when I can, but this about covers what we use consistantly.

Why is it when a person needs someone to pay attention to something, the other person goes on the defensive? Their answer is obviously NO to your request AND they attack and dig their feet in to make sure you know they don’t care about what was requested? I swear relationships suck.

Had $20 for groceries yesterday. I bought onions, eggs, cornmeal, ketchup, Gorten’s fish, brown rice, yogurt, cottage cheese, cheese slices and dish soap.

Dinner was a wonderful pot of lentils.

I used the whole package for 2 days worth of food. Into a large pot, I rinsed and poured the lentils, added 8 1/2 c water, 2 lg carrots thinly sliced, 2 lg stalks of celery sliced, 1 onion sliced, 1 can of diced tomatoes, 4 chicken boullion cubes, 2 tbs minced garlic, salt, pepper, and 2 tbs worchestershire sauce. Cook till lentils are tender and veges are cooked through. It really was good. Steve added pepper sauce and sour cream to his. YUM.

As I was typing this up I wondered if the worchester sauce had gluten in it. I have no idea. I have decided to go gluten free as much as possible. It seems to be making a big difference but I’m still learning. My ankles are not swelling like they were and my hands are pain free for 2 days now.  I was warned about a detox headache and it is beginning.

This morning we have steel cut irish oats, coffee :0).

I’m not going to update the other things until I know for certain what’s happening. You’ll have to wait if you care… love to all.

Reading over old blogs, I was looking at notes about relationships; specifically mine and Steve’s. This time of our change – what else can I call it? – has been very hard on us. I still love him so much and I know he loves me, but the effort we put into our relationship is different. It is so affected by the economy, by unemployment, by change, by self-employment, by need. I am so hungry for touch and attention and he fills his time shifting things, reading, trivia, sports. It’s so hard right now, and my pending menopause is not helping, and his physical changes are not helping.

Aging and surviving are hard bedfellows. No one ever said a word to prepare me for this.

Our 13th married year (18 yrs as a couple) is fast approaching. I miss the frequent sex, but we have always been lopsided in our desire. He has but to touch me and I want him. I touch him, and he moves away. He needs space. It’s not me and I know that, but it’s still hard. He has always pulled away. It’s how he’s wired. He stays up so late that intimacy is dead on arrival. To him, doing things for me (dishes, laundry, yard work) is an expression of his love. For me, it’s touch and physical closeness. I need skin contact for bonding.  Maybe it’s a woman thing.

I am a morning person, 100%.

He is a night owl, 100%.

He doesn’t start moving till 5pm. My day is winding down by 4.

I have to stop taking this personally.