The Arguing Boy

This is one of my favorite stories. I don’t know it’s origin, but a Cherokee sister sent it to me. Maybe we need to rehear our stories from time to time.

much love

~Amber

The Arguing Boy

Once there was a boy who loved to show people how very smart he was. The way he would do this was by talking. With his talking he tried to make other people wrong,

Which he thought, made him right.

So if his Mother said: ”the berries are ready to pick.”

He would say: ”No, they are not ready, I am going to wait another day.”

If his Mother said: ”your moccasins are too small, I will make you new ones.”

He would say: ”No, they are not too small, my feet are just getting too big for them.”

Sometimes he would ask a question: ”Mother, what does the sky look like today?”

”Why, it is very gray, and looks like it might storm.” His Mother might say.

”No, Mother, it is blue, it only has gray clouds over it.”

Well it was not long before everyone tired of arguing with the boy, and no one said much to him, because they knew he would only disagree with whatever they said.

One day, all the people went to pick up butternuts. While they all worked, the boy went from person to person, trying to talk to someone. He would pick up one or two nuts, but mostly he talked. He would tell people how hard he had worked picking berries, or ask them a question and then change their answer in some way.

The people just gathered the nuts, and thought that he should talk less about working and do more of it.

While they gathered, a Great Hungry Bear had quietly sat watching the people. He was deciding which one of the people he wanted to eat. The talking and arguing boy bothered the bear greatly. Such noise and chatter! The bear thought. I would do the people a favor by eating him.

And so, Bear crept silently out of the forest, to pounce on the boy.

”Bear!!! Bear!!!” shouted the people

”Look out boy…RUN!!!!!”

But the boy just shrugged his shoulders and said: ”NO, there is no bear” and he went into a long explanation about how smart he was about bears.

Now the boys Mother said seriously ”you must run, there is a bear right behind you”

The boy saw all the people running and yelling. His mother was taking a great chance herself to stand and try to tell the boy instead of running herself.

”No, it is just a shadow” said the boy.

His Mother picked up a nice hand sized round rock, and she aimed, and threw it with all her might. She hit the bear right between the eyes and knocked him out cold. The bear’s great body fell to the forest floor and landed right in front of the boy.

His eyes opened wide…and his mouth could not speak.

Now his mother told him this was good meat for the people, and for the boy to kill the bear and skin it, and all the people together could carry it back to the village to use for food and clothing.

After this, for days, the boy went about the village telling the story of how he killed the great bear. Now this was no lie really…technically HE had killed it, after his mother knocked it out. But the people had tired of the boy, and so they answered him by saying: ”NO, there was no bear.”

When the boy grew hungry, and wanted some of the meat to eat, the people told him:

”There is no meat, there was no bear.”

Winter was coming, and the boy’s feet grew cold, he wanted some of the skin for new moccasins. But his mother told him: ”there is no skin, there was no bear.”

The boy felt the people were all very mean. He went off to a new village where people would listen to how very smart he was.

His Mother was very sad, but she knew the boy must learn that all people know things, and he must listen to what other people know too.

When he learned to let other people be smart too, the boy would come home.

While he was gone, she sat by the fire each night making him beautiful new moccasins from the skin of the bear that was not there.

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Coyote Dances With Stars

Because the Great Mystery Power had given Coyote much of his medicine, Coyote himself grew very powerful and conceited. There was nothing, he believed, that he couldn’t do. He even thought he was more powerful than the Great Mystery, for Coyote was sometimes wise but also a fool. One day long ago, it came into his mind to dance with a star. “I really feel like doing this,” he said. He saw a bright star coming up from behind a mountain, and called out: “Hoh, you star, wait and come down! I want to dance with you.”

The star descended until Coyote could get hold of him, and then soared up into the sky, with Coyote hanging on for dear life. Round and round the sky went the star. Coyote became very tired, and the arm that was holding onto the star grew numb, as if it were coming out of its socket! “Star,” he said, “I believe I’ve done enough dancing for now. I’ll let go and be getting back home.” “No, wait; we’re too high up,” said the star. “Wait until I come lower over the mountain where I picked you up.”

Coyote looked down at the earth. He thought it seemed quite near. “I’m tired, star; I think I’ll leave now; we’re low enough,” he said, and let go.

Coyote had made a bad mistake. He dropped down, down, down. He fell for a full ten winters. He plopped through the earth clouds at last, and when he finally hit ground, he was flattened out like a tanned, stretched deerskin. So he died right there.

Now, the Great Mystery Power had amused himself by giving Coyote several lives. It took Coyote quite a few winters, however, to puff himself up again into his old shape. He had grown quite a bit older in all that time, but he had not grown less foolish. He boasted: “Who besides me could dance with stars, and fall out of the sky for ten long winters, and be flattened out like a deer hide,and live to tell the tale? I am Coyote. I am powerful. I can do anything!”

Coyote was sitting in front of his lodge one night, when from behind the mountain rose a strange kind of star, a very fast one, trailing a long, shining tail. Coyote said to himself: “Look at that fast star; what fun to dance with him!” He called out: “Hoh, strange star with the long tail! Wait for me; come down; let’s dance!”

The strange, fast star shot down, and Coyote grabbed hold. The star whirled off into the vastness of the universe. Again Coyote had made a bad mistake. Looking up from his lodge into the sky, he had had no idea of that star’s real speed. It was the fastest thing in the universe.

Coyote fell back down to earth in little pieces, a bit here and a bit there. But soon the pieces started looking for each other, slowly coming together, forming up into Coyote again.

It took a long time; several winters. At last Coyote was whole again except for his right hand, which was still whirling around in space with the star. Coyote called out: “Great Mystery! I was wrong.!! I’m not as powerful as you. I’m not as powerful as I thought, Have pity on me!”

Then the Great Mystery Power spoke: “Friend Coyote. I have given you four lives. Two you have already wasted foolishly. Better watch out!” “Have pity on me,” wailed Coyote. “Give me back my right hand.” “That’s up to the star with the long tail, my friend. You must have patience. Wait until the star appears to you, rising from behind the mountain again. Then maybe he will shake your hand off.” “How often does this star come over the mountain?”
“Once in a hundred lifetimes,” said the Great Mystery.

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blessings

An amazing friend sent me yarn, school supplies for my teen, and a pair of jeans for same teen. I cried.

I get up every morning and say thank you to the Universe for all my blessings. I try hard to embrace the change and accept that life is not what I had planned. I keep my hands busy. I love my family and pets.

And I brush away the tears that sit on my mind and heart. They are always with me. Sometimes though, a ray of sunshine parts the clouds for just a second. Today was one of those days.

I also found a group called The Mad Housers that is local to Atlanta, just in case! They are active. I joined their Yahoo group and think I may get involved for the experience. I support their efforts 100%.

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another sleepless night

Hubby doesn’t realize how much I hate being in bed alone. I feel like my soul is withering from lack of care. Damn depression just beats me down.

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walk a mile

Walk a mile in someone’s shoes to understand their problems… we used to get told that as kids. Sometimes I see the posts on FB and can’t even pretend not to cry as they make fun of people. There’s that fast like button as the funny picture makes the rounds. It may seem silly or stupid on the surface, but how can we judge? I mean really, how can we judge another’s actions? Their clothes? Their lack of hygene? Their hair? Their jerry-rigged car, their junky home? People need to see that they don’t have to walk in another’s shoes, they just need to see the world with kinder eyes. Where is the compassion?

I’m not having much fun online these days. I am happy for people when they buy a new book, decorate a room, see a movie, go out to dinner. I’m not wishing that away from them. I just can’t share in it anymore. It’s been years since we’ve done those things. I think in these lower terms lately, looking away so I don’t let myself want things…hoping I can figure out something I can do that people will want to buy…I miss the comforts.

I’m tired. I’m not sleeping well. It’s cold in the house. No wood for the fireplace and having to stay in one place so the heat can touch you gets old. I’m ready for spring.

Someone asked me if I could make a little crocheted bag with a pentacle on it – I’m sure I can. I feel bad to charge my friends for little things I’d simply give to them. Now there is a concept – simply giving. Simply. Giving. It’s whats inside me and this hand to mouth mentality that’s trying to swallow me up frightens me.

What God or Goddess can one turn to get out of this fucking reality?  Lift me above these petty worries and help me see the path. I’m so freaking lost. We think something is going to get better and half of what we counted on is snatched away.

Here, let me adjust my outlook…

Today. I have food to eat. Clothes to wear. A roof. People who love me. Absence of physical pain.

Why do I think I deserve anything else? I don’t really. I’m just missing some peace of mind… and I miss having warm hands. People take a thermostat way too much for granted.

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feeling like hibernating

It’s cold this morning. No coffee, no creamer, no wood for the fireplace. I’ve got the space heater blowing on my feet and 2 pair of socks on. Wrist warmers, check! Got the tears out of the way. I’m knitting. One day I’d love a knitting board so my work could go faster. See, I can think about wants… lol I couldn’t post on Facebook. There’s just nothing to say.

I scratched Steph and Alexa onto a white emergency candle. I feel that they need the boost. My other sweet friend Stephanie is scratched on the other side as GM, and KM’s son, Patti, my own kids go on as VKKKTG+ , the + is for all three grands. Little candle holds more than you’d think.

I got 2 sets of toggle clasps off of ebay to see if I can sell some stitch markers. The homemade ones are so pretty. I’m knitting a dog sweater for Jackie. I made my first repeatable pattern for a pet bed. Yesterday the animals kept getting on my craft table and I couldn’t figure out why. I’d made a heart to go with the pet mat and filled it with catnip. They finally got it out of the ziploc baggie! It was pretty funny. Guess I’ll make another one to put on etsy. I wish I had yarn to do what I want – I’d so get the huge bulky yarn and giant hooks and needles to work it. Now that would make pet beds! I keep putting my ideas in a journal and hopefully, one day, I’ll be able to get something really going. Today though, it’s the dog sweater for my sweetie. I will have to stripe it I think to make it look good – this one skein of each color crap gets on my nerves! lol He’ll look wonderful in stripes. It’s good…

Poor food has way too many carbs in it. Crackers, bread, pasta, rice. Today I’ll make egg salad. Actually that sounds good. I better make bread too. G went to school on a muffin and about a cup of raisins. He says “I’m ok mommy” when I ask him if he wants something else. I have some strawberry yogurt and frozen fruit, but it’s 30 degrees outside and 50 in the house – not feeling the smoothie today lol. I have frozen chicken breasts, frozen biscuts, potatoes and onions, celery and peanut butter. 3 cans of tomato soup, a pk of white rice, and a bag of lentils. There is salt and about 2 cups of oil. There’s a jar of olives, a small jar of dill pickles, a couple of oranges, a package of pumpkin bar mix, cornmeal muffin mix,  canned tomatoes- I’m trying to think of what we NEED… I’m also tracking every penny we spend to see where we are loosing our balance. It may be gas for trivia but Steve sees qualifying for cash tournaments as supporting us. He has a chance at winning so I keep my mouth zipped. I try to hold onto enough money to get us to our next cleaning job (which is Tuesday). I make our food in batches these days. Today will be the egg salad. Tomorrow we’ll do shredded chicken with cottage cheese, and fried potatoes and onions. Sunday I’ll make soup. One pot and it serves all day –

list for store:

strawberry jam, peanut butter, cereal, beans, milk, oil, dog and cat food, eggs, cheese, pizza rolls, 1 lunchable, wheat crackers, check manager’s specials (MS). I have a coupon for coffee, cream is usually a MS, Aldi may have veges at a good price. We’ll start there and see about green peppers, carrots, frozen turkey, ground beef.

I can do quite a bit with what we have. Looks like we’re going to finally settle into our winter spell – 50’s in the daytime, 30’s at night. I have our seeds and will start some inside come March.

Income at $648. No house payment in FEB – can’t make it. It’s $687. Trying to hoard for something to live in isn’t working either. Got a place to set a trailer, but it may be tent city one day…no way to know yet. Anyway. There is movement upstairs so I’ve gotta go. Blessings on us all.

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clowns

I wonder how many of us are really clowns? White face, painted on smile, tears from the night, hidden. I have to keep up the happy face and act like things will get better for those around me. The littlest thing though sends me to a spot where no one can see my tears.

I’m afraid I’m too old to live off the land, you know? Steve’s looking for someplace to move in the $15,000 range. We need to be able to lower that to the $2,000 range. Literally, we have nothing anymore. His brother had heart surgery and now we are down our $400 a month we were living on. There are no food stamps, no welfare, no medicaid. Georgia’s system is so fucked up and with Republicans in office, they are cutting services, not fixing what’s broken. I sound like a broken record. I’m sure everyone knows where the govt is broken. me and G have cavities that are fast approaching the point of not being able to fix them. All three are front teeth – for him, and me. Steve keeps having bad heart palpatations and I know he thinks he’s just gonna have to die if he has a heart attack. This thing with his genetics and his brother’s open heart surgery has him really quiet. I’m scared too.

I got up this morning to G asking me for pencils. His pencils are less than 2″ long. I looked in every drawer and every place I could think of and couldn’t find even one. He’s got a few pages of blank paper and no pencils. I used my change to get him a birthday cake and pizza for his 16th. There is no more change. I don’t know what to do.

I have all this stuff around me but no one buys anything when we list it. I have yarn and so does the rest of the world – I can’t keep asking my friends to buy what I make. God help us. Even more pressing is the food. We are running out of things daily. Ketchup is gone. Two slices of bread are left. Milk is less than 1/3 a gallon. We have maybe 10 can’s of Campbell’s soup, 3 eggs, a pkg of cheese, and all those cans of 35 yr old freeze dried food that it’s starting to look like we are gonna have to eat. I tried some a couple months ago. It was a country stew. My stomach cramped for an hour afterwards and I had horrific, cramping gas afterwards, but technically, it didn’t make me sick. Jackie ate it and farted terribly too. I’m so messed up. I don’t want to eat it. Fuck me for crying over it. Fuck me for being so weak.

http://youtu.be/dbwokmNkr-k I was listening to Bobby Goldsboro’s song See The Funny Little Clown. When I try to bring the changes we are facing to the level of reality, Steve can’t take it. I shouldn’t have helped anyone over the years. I shouldn’t have gone to mexico for my daughter’s wedding. We shouldn’t have built the deck. We shouldn’t have bought the refridgerator or the television. We shouldn’t have planned like the future would be normal. We should have hoarded every penny because now this situation is my fault in his opinion. He loves me, he’s not going anywhere, but he has to place blame. He thinks Geoffrey is totally right to be offended over loosing our home.

I know there are things to say thank you to the Universe for – but I want to scream. I WANT TO SCREAM! My smile is running…the paint is dripping off my chin. I don’t know what to do. I thought about asking if someone could send us pencils and I started crying again. People don’t want to hear this shit.

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making extremes “SING!”

Certainty in a reality of making extremes “SING!”

Doesn’t that sound like an odd thing to say?

Today I’m certain of a few things. My dog loves me. My husband and I are ok. Our son is ok. My husband sings off key, but he’s singing his heart out to free XM radio. We have a small chicken. I have a pkg of noodles, some onions, and a big bowl full of greens from my yard.

Aside from relationships, there isn’t a lot that is certain these days. THAT is the reality of our lives. Even those can teter on the brink of ‘ify.’

We can’t depend of government benifits because the system is so strained it doesn’t work. forclosure was pushed back for a while. We have just enough money to pay our utilities each month and eat. Anything else is a gift from the Universe. One other thing that is clear is that we have to say self employed, not unemployed, because there aren’t going to be any jobs for us for a long time. Honestly, I’ve given up looking. I’m focused instead on foraging and going forward. I simply don’t know what else to do.

Future needs loom really big and menancing and I’m praying as hard as I can to ward them off. Teeth that need fixing, shoes, glasses, dr checks…things that haven’t been handled in so long I’ve lost count of years… let alone months and days.

My sweet son is going to be 16 on the 4th. We have nothing to give him, but his sister sent a gift and fullfilled his want in the current moment. He’s happy. He’s also reading his book a friend gave him at Yule and loving it.

I’m working on a new shawl to sell – a black one. I’m also working on another plarn bag. I don’t know if it will sell, but I’m hoping so. Then I will hit the needles and make wrist warmers as people want to buy them.

Some things are good, and some things aren’t, but we are making it through THIS day. When does extreme poverty start and stop? I don’t know. I like to think as long as we can and do SING, we won’t experience bad extremes. They are kept at bay.

As Ruby Dews from the movie Cold Mountain was fond of saying . . . “well, al’right then.”

And it is . . . al’right.

OMG how could I forget? I have a new grandson!

Born on January 29th, 2012 – Haskell Auden Westbrooks. Firstborn son to Vanessa Bertollini and Kelly Westbrooks. Birthplace, CALIFORNIA.

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Forward

We found out the Internet didn’t communicate with the local office and our food stamps were canceled. I had no way of knowing until the money didn’t load as expected on the 12th. Office visited, paperwork filed, I was told it will be 90 days before the stamps restart if they approve them again. Felt like someone hit me in the chest. Steve and I fought over it because I put down the $100 we made cleaning house and now they say we are self employed. DELAY CITY. Ok…onward. Can’t change what’s done. Putting the money down is not lying, not putting it down, is lying. Not putting it down would have started them up in 1 month. Where is the incentive to NOT cheat the system? Beats me.

It’s 64 degrees and storming this morning. The garden is loving it. The lettuce and collards are flourishing. The cats are all inside. They are all a bit stressed over the rain. G got up to a new toy – a program called Spotify. He is very excited over it. He’s figuring it out so he can add some new music to his ipod. I wonder if the love this boy has for singing will ever impact the Universe? I hope so. Music and books are his loves. He brightens my days when other things would steal the light.

A friend bought one of my shawls. It’s going to let me pay the electric bill. I know I can’t depend on my friends to buy each shawl I make, but they all posted links to it and asked THEIR friends if anyone would be interested in buying it. Such a blessing. I know I feel the blows, but I also know how often my friends lift me up. My next shawl will be black.

I got the baby gifts made for my oldest daughter’s new baby. I made a sleep sack, matching cap, and hand mitts. So precious. My middle daughter is going to CA to help after the baby comes, and Kelly’s mom is going out too. My heart longs to be there with her. I can’t ask for her to pay my way even tho she would, when I have to ask her to help us when we have to move. While we got a reprieve on the foreclosure, we also know it’s a matter of time before we loose this house without jobs. V is the only source of help we might have. I hate that each thing clouds the other. I want to see my grandson and it makes me mad that one thing prevents the other.

BOOM! Thunder! The storms approach. I guess I have to delay my post office run till Monday. And I better hurry and post this!

May the Goddess keep us all.

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Piss on the depression

Tuesday, I will set out and tackle the problem. Refile for food stamps. While I’m in the office, I’m going to see if we can get cash and medical assistance too. I know the govt doesn’t want to help, but their system is broken and I’m not going to go away!

 

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